Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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