i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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