Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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