Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Couch. On fire.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
