Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
