wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
