East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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