is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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