any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
