Ambien. No doubt about it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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