you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
