theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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