just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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