ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
