my room smells like sperm. sweet.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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