Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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