Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
