yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
