listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
