Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
