If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
