Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
