i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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