You can't special order awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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