Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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