you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
