Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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