ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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