Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
