Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
