Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
