i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A+ Viking dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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