How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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