Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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