i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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