I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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