Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it penis luge time yet?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
