in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
