girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
