To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
