I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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