Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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