Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Bring me that man meat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
