i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
