Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
