I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
