the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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