i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
