I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
