you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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