Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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