But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
