This is not my ceiling
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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