I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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