I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
