Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
